great life i have
it happened just like that... *gone*
just to add to the stress... exams start tomorrow
not prepared at all...
i really hope i would be able to concentrate
god please help me... please

went to study at the airport again last night
was suppose to go to the chalet halfway but i wasn't feeling too gd... sorry yeah???
started throwing up and all...
the best part is that there was no food in my stomach
only god knows what came out... sigh
still feelin rather shitty and tired todae...
i wanna go for the chalet!!!
why must i be so week now...
i actually fell asleep at the viewing mall
i was lying there.. on the floor... with the most unsightful position pls
yikes...
so so so so sleepy
came back abt 10+
had a shower and headed down to the doc to re-do my dressing
its finally waterproof...
my stomach is super quezy...
i just wanna lie down and sleep but where am i now
at my mum's office... bloody hell dragged me here
after this we'll be going to the hairdresser...
guess i'll be cutting my hair... or getting some new thing
so bored with this hairstyle.. damn... hmm...
aniway.. i better go now... trying to hurry my mum...
so i can at least go home and sleep for a while before going out tonite..
signing out...*poof*

didnt go to school today
couldnt get out of bed
went to thai express for lunch to celebrate elie's bdae
den headed down to the doctor to re-do my dressing
took a picture of the wound and the bloody thing looks like a pussy
damn funny... marianne followed me in and witnessed it..
she got the cheek to make fun also
den we both went to starbucks and like started "studying"
didnt really concentrate much... more like a fagging session
haha... *oops*....
found out that i'm actualli allergic to the painkillers the doc gave me
made me get a fever and become real red... i look like as though i'm damn high
hhahaha... dun really have much to say except that i really miss him
hope i get to talk to him tonite.. so yah... toodles

went for my surgery todae...
the cut is like 3 cm long and according to my mum... its damn deep
the wound is like stuff with gauze... damn gross
got to go back for dressing tomorrow
went i came out from the room... saw a whole bunch of supporters there...

thanks to... rach marianne fera tasha judy melanie and audrey for being there

got back my bio paper..i passed... distinction for science yeah!
studying really pays off man...
although chem todae was a terror

just came back from studying... kinda feeling accomplished now.. haha
tomorrow is like elie's bdae
cant go to the beach for PE tomorrow
i'm not allowed to get sweaty
hopefully i will be able to make it for del's chalet to accompany my baby

really feeling damn drowsy now... still gotta study
i'll just die
EOY IN 9 DAYS
fucking hell

i hate my life

hmmm... so i didnt go to sch today...
whole body is like aching...
my baby is coming today... yay!
but he has to work... sigh
i'll be going to meet elie, rianne and fera at abt 2.30 at parkway
den i guess i'll be going over to rianne's house to sleep
doing overnight study at the airport tonight
den tomorrow will be going for bio lesson together
dun think we'll be talking tonight... guess he will be busy or tired..
but its ok lah huh....

yesterdae went with rianne and fera to watch forbidden city
its was a really good local production i must say
the small boy was so cute... haha
my son is gonna be a perorming artiste too... yay!
felt kinda over dressed when i met up with rianne at the mrt station
felt like as though i was selling myself.. haha...
people kept staring... probably they were thinking that we're crazy...
got home at abt 11.40 around there...

we had dinner at thai express
den we walked to the bay
called him again
he actually picked up =)
but we didnt really talk ... guess he was busy
after i hung up....
my make up was ruined

havent gotten much rest these past few days
i really think i am like falling sick
hopefully i will be able to study tonight
my exams commences in less than 13 days (to main papers)
havent finish studying yet... fuck fuck fuck...
maybe todae after he's back i will be able to concentrate better
i really hope

i dunno why but i just feel so lost without him around
the feeling is really different... but nvm.. i understand
guess he was busy..

*swollen eyes*

i really miss you i really do

stiil cant sleep...
cant stop thinking...
cant concentrate...
i really dunno if i am over reacting... i hope he doesnt get the wrong idea
i mean this is what i feel... really insecure and all...
spoke to sophie abt it and she saed that its part of it
just give it time...
maybe i was a little too paranoid and i needed to like let it out.. so i posted that entry

really sorry baby...

you know its just sometimes that u just want that special someone to be there
to just hold your hand and tell u that everything is gonna be alright
someone to reassure you
someone who will just stay by your side without saying a word
the presence of him being there and the warmth of his body
seems to just calm the stormiest sea in you
even if the person calls just to say hi.... you will definitely feel good
knowing that the person called you instead of others
just makes u feel so important
you feel a sense of belonging and security

its a beautiful thing
don't think i can keep it all in
just gotta let you know
what it is that won't let me go

it's your love
just does something to me
it sends a shot right through me
i can't get enough
and if you wondered
about the spell i'm under...
it's your love

you're the only one that i want

i'm seriously paranoid now
my mind is really going wild
who know's what he's doing now
probably fucking around

i did my part and tried my best
i always put him high above the rest
but not even a single message to say he's okay
i guess he probably wants me to worry all day

"you always think too much" thats what you say
am i to be blamed for feeling this way?
this reaction i have, i 'm sure its accepted
but i really hope it does not change to hatred

i hope you comprehend this feeling i have
its something that you have to understand
i love you for who you are...
i dont want you to change
just be a little more sensative to the way i feel
that will definitely make a big deal

*cries*

finally manage to put the song in
learnt it quite fast... with the help of rachie baby of cos
finished tuition at abt 10.45
called him but he didnt answer
guess he must be busy... haiz...
i think i willbe sleeping quite late todae
really need to study... i'll be off now...

i love you baby
muackz!!

DAY 2 of lonliness

oh my god la... these past 2 days damn shit can
firstly i cant stop thinking abt him... missing him real bad
secondly... its like i'm really stressed over the exams and everything
but i just cant seem to concentrate... fucking hell!!!!!!!
12 more days to the first paper... argh!!!
screwed malay oral already lah k

on top of that...
i actually just like quarrelled with my mum
over this overnight study thing
she keeps saying that its dangerous and all
but there is like so much security around there
really dont know what to do... sigh

really wish now that he would call...
i think he is the one who can like calm me down and all

just came back actually from studying...
had literature tuition today with that stefanie
den gonna have a.maths tuition soon...
think i better go freshen up first...

missing him badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just woke up and saw my baby's message
really gonna miss him... he told me that other girls were going to be there...
felt a little insecure at first but i trust him...hehe
anyway i think i am gonna bathe now... dun wanna be late for sch...
i need to pee pee.... *winkS*
loving you always baby
muackzzz

okok... todae wasnt so good.. i actually cried in class...paiseh
was suppose to meet adrian but he overslept...
nvm lah huh... understandable.. he accompanied me till like 4 this morning
haiz... although i really wanted to see him lah.. but nvm lah k... but i still love him.. haha

after school went with elie and rach to parkway to collect elie's phone
den went to church to study... elie and rach den came over cos i had maths tuition
in fact they are still over right now... still have one more tuition tonight... sigh

aniwae... i have a-maths and bio test tomorrow.. better head studying now

okae lets start with...
Yesterday
met up with elie and rach to study in the afternoon at starbucks. den fera came but i had to leave cos i was suppose to meet mel they all but i was later so i went to scott's house straight. GAYLE like came uninvited and all... what a bitch la k... trouble maker... stoopid chee bye face... i managed get kim to do my ugly eyebrows for me. they were seriously in damn bad shape...
was suppose to got meet my darling at his friend's chalet... but scott wanted to go to hendrix den i also like felt damn bad and all... thats like chosing family over bf.
thanks to my most understanding darling... i manage to go clubbing... so fun... we only like got there at around 1+.
gayle came too...and believe it or not.. she gave me some fucked up attitude.. i almost slapped her.. the thing is she knew i was damn pissed with her.. so she left with her friend's for a while but joined us when we were having prata... saw hazel there too... i was kinda high yesterdae.. i must admit.. sorry baby!!! but scott took good care of me (although he was kinda high himself) ... its good being the youngest in the age group...

Today
woke up with a bad hang overwas actually late for church... but nvm lah huh... i was super stink... stayed over at scott's place with no clothes..
so i went home after church, showered and left. met elie and fera at about 3+. didnt do much studying todae... couldn't concentrate... cos i was thinking of SOMEONE...really missed him... and also had a very bad headache...
came home sweet home at 8 for tuition... after that i called him.. acting crazyily but sexily of cos... and at this very moment , while i am typing... adrian is currently bathing.. haha.. waiting for him to be done... there's like school tomorrow lah k... haiz.. dread it man...

anyway...i think i need to go now... gonna conference with fera and elie.. haha.. lesbian club
loving u alwaes baby... muackz

i'll b gone in a while
but you will still be on my mind
you're the only one which helps me put one a smile

all i want is to hold you close
whispering to you...
"it's you i want most"

oh my god... i cant believe i actually miss him alreadyhaiz...
didn't feel too well todae
kept throwing up

didnt really study much
was just feeling so lousy

i'm just so afraid now
everyone is breaking up
fera and shameer first
now its like marianne and eu dee
could it be... next????
oh my oh my*sniffs*

doubt we will lah huh
i love him so much
he really means alot to me
wish i could just like hug him and kiss him now
hahaha

okae i think i like shall stop that
getting a little carried away

woke up a little late this morning
was sort of late for bio
after that elie and marianne came to starbucks with me
den stef came *yikes*
tuition was horrible...michelle kwok was there *giggles*
she kept forcing me to study
elie left... she went to celebrate he birthday(early) with limpy...
so cute rite!!!!
when stef left... u should have seen the big smile on emy face
super duper happy man...
but she gave a 400 word essay to do...*faints*
soon jane came
she studied with us(marianne and i) too
ended up having more of a laughing session den anything else
left at abt 6.45

still not sure abt tomorrow's plans
fera's got malay camp
doubt marianne can go out and study
must check with elie next... haha
den i guess i will be meeting tracy, melanie and lino at TM to get scott's present
den will be heading over to scott's place

2 weeks more till exams...
i'm like still not ready
i really need to pass man
fucking scared that i will retain
damn paiseh...haiz
i think i will like study like aat least one chapter of bio or geog tonight
oh my fuck... just remembered.. i take chemistry... totally neglected iti'm like so so so so so screwed *paiseh*
better get going...

Which Crossroads Girl are You?Find out!



You're perky! Ugh...you're probably a morning
person. You like wearing bright colors, you
probably tend to bounce when excited, and you
giggle rather than laugh. While that's okay
when you're six, now it's getting old. I envy
your energy, but try wearing something that's
not a pastel.


Why do I hate you? (Fully updated with images!)
brought to you by Quizilla



You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
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You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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Protector


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

today's camp was not bad i must say
was in charge of the white group
the boys were naughty but really cute
girls were super adorable especially this girl name maegan
such lovely hair
cant wait to have kids of my own
dress them up and all
i want at least 3 kids... *winks*
hehe....

gotta wake up early tomorrow
bio lesson at like 8
die man
didnt study todae
will be studying later i guess

i put on 2kg this holiday
terrible man
fatty fatty
better start exercising too man

kinda miss that asshole all of sudden
dunno why also
think i better get going man
need to go freshen up and all

well.. havent updated for quite a while
kinda lazy to update
but i will make this entry short and sweet okae

been studying really hard lately
really wanna do well for finals
damn tired lack of sleep
have to wake up early tomorrow for the kiddie camp
there a gonna be like 151 kids ages 7-10 there
terror terror

talking to my darling now*yawn*
haha... i'm just jokinging
wanted to dance actually
but he called...*oops*
(dun think i was like suppose to sae that)

aniway i think that is all i have to say for now

just wanna thank elie and fera for helping me study lately
love u both...
top 10 in class... here i come

it's been a month

todae wasnt very good
got my report slip
failed overall for thevery first time is sec school
the best part is that i failed e.maths all because i didnt take one test
damn it

finals are in like 3 weeks
i must pull up my socks
gonna work very hard

i would like to thank all the people who have been motivating me

*COVERS EARS-trying not to hear my mum scolding me*
i think i seriously had enough
i hate this damn family
no happiness at all

i hate my life

sorry abt the way i was just now
guess i kinda over reacted
but i mean i hope u understand how i felt
guess its kinda my fault too that i wasnt there for u
really sorry dear

loving u forever and always

so u know how i feel?
i dun even know whats happening at all
i cant keep crying because of all this
its really hurting inside

you have absolutely know idea how much i care
what am i saying- does it even matter to you at all
this is all a joke i guess
maybe i am the joke

i really cannot take it
can u at least try to understand
when i need u... ur not there
why? why? why?

i am not angry just more of upset
i guess this is just gonna be so screwed

i cant stop crying

and so i didn't got to school todae
but i feel rather proud of myself though
went to the starbucks with fera and elie
i actually studied
manage to finish 1 entir chapter of biology today
and i actually understood it
i can pratically teach nutrition in mammals now... haha
ya right~

came home at abt 8
watched first touch and the brainiest kid
had kfc for dinner... but i wasn't feeling too good after that
so i puked *yucks*
den i started dancing from like 9.30 till like 11.30
nothing else better to do

haiz... dreading to go to school tomorrow
school sucks big big time
really hate the stress and all
but well.. its all part of life right?

realy cant wait to go to australia
less stress...
and i obviously get to do what i wanna do-dance and act
maebe one day i will really get to perform at the esplanade
that would be totally awesome

i have a dream
a dream to perform

to my baby...
sorry about last night
guess i fell asleep again
sorry k...
loving you always sweetheart
muackz

woke up at about 9
received a message from fera telling me that she was going to study
i'm gonna join her so that i wun be alone today
seriously damn fucking broke
been eating alot lately
i think i like put on 3kg
i need to lose it man
haiz... shall exercise everyday when the holidays start

really don'y know what to study today
in fact i dun even know where to start
there's just too much
really too much

i really miss my sweetheart now
he's probably sleeping right now
he'll be going to renew his passport
he's going to thailand for 4 days
and he's just gonna leave me all alone
but nvm lah ...*sings* I WILL SURVIVE

anyway i think i better go bathe and all...
gonna try to leave the house by 11... hopefully
really gotta study

to the love of my life...
i love you very much...
and i cherish every sigle moment we spend together
whether its good or bad... hehe
muackz